Stabbed
by HR always live on
Summary: Another fic situated at the end of 10:6. Harry is attacked, not Ruth. Last chapter up
1. Chapter 1

_Okay this is just a short chapter to start. There will be more if people think its worth continuing. Set at the end of 10:6 (again!)_

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><p>"She's lying Sasha to protect me," Harry said trying to fight against the fear for Ruth. He couldn't stand there any longer, watching her get closer and closer to someone with murderous tendencies on their mind. "Ruth, go back to Dimitri and Erin," he said firmly, walking closer to Sasha, trying to get him to lose interest on Ruth.<p>

"You ruined my life," Sasha said to Harry. He was pleased that the Russians attention was no longer on the woman he was in love with but he never got further in his thinking. Harry couldn't stop it when Sasha lunged forward for him. He vaguely heard Ruth screaming his name but no more. He felt the glass shard rip into his flesh, once, twice, three times before a gun shot rang out in the desolate countryside. He collapsed to the cold ground, feeling pain run through him.

"Harry!" Ruth cried out loudly, kneeling over him. "Harry, come on, look at me." Erin had approached them and she was already on the phone for emergency medical assistance. Ruth tuned her out, keeping all of her attention on Harry.

"Please look at me," Ruth said in a pleading voice. Her hand was holding his cheek lightly as his eyes fluttered open and settled on her face.

"Are you okay?" he asked hoarsely as she pressed her free hand to what looked like the most serious wound on his chest

"Yes, don't waste your energy worrying about me you stupid man."

"You keep calling me that," Harry said slowly. "I'm beginning to take it personally." They both laughed weakly together, trying to ignore the fatality of this situation.

"Listen to me, help is coming," Ruth said glancing at Erin who confirmed it with a nod. "You have to keep talking to me."

"Okay," he whispered in an alarmingly quiet voice. "I can't think of anything to say." Ruth shook her head from side to side, already feeling the tears start to form.  
>"Look at me," she said firmly. He did. She moved over him and kissed his lips softly, not caring that Erin and Dimitri were watching. Not caring that this could possibly be the last time she could do this. She felt his cold lips respond fractionally to her touch. It was such a small movement that it scared her. "You're not going to die on me okay?" she said, looking him right in the eye."<p>

"If I do…"

"No!"

"My desk drawer at work. Third one. Left side. I need you to look in it."

"What's in it?"

"Promise me," he said quietly.

"You're not dying so I won't promise that okay?"

"You never could lie to me Ruth," he said his eyes fluttering closed.

"No!" she shouted. She slapped his face with her free hand as she heard the helicopter approaching. "Wake up!" But his eyes didn't open. She moved her shaking hand to his throat, praying to find a pulse. Some sign that he was alive.

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><p><em>Let me know if you want more. I am also really torn about which way to write the next chapter... Alive  Dead?_


	2. Chapter 2

_WOW! Amazed and thrilled by all the reviews. THANK YOU. Here's the next little bit..._

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><p>Erin looked at Ruth sadly as the helicopter landed. She bent down to Harry and felt for his pulse. Ruth was shaking and crying too badly to be able to find it. "Its there," she whispered to Ruth. Over the noise of the helicopter she couldn't be heard. Erin held Ruth's shoulder tightly. "He's alive," she said loudly. Ruth nodded as the paramedics came over to them. Reluctantly she moved away from him but kept holding his hand. The dark looks the paramedics gave each other spoke volumes.<p>

"You can't let him die," Ruth spoke desperately. "Please." They ignored her, focusing on loading Harry onto a stretcher. She followed closely, keeping her eyes on Harry's face, not on the blood coming from his chest wounds. She sat opposite him in the helicopter after Erin assured her that they'd take care of everything else. Ruth sat as far away from him as possible in the confines of the helicopter. She wanted to be there for Harry but she knew she was getting in their way. They ripped his shirt off quickly and she winced as they cut his flesh open. She knew it was to try and fix the wound of the jagged edges, but it wasn't nice to see.

"What are his chances?" Ruth asked quietly, still watching Harry's face, which now had a tube going down his throat.

"Not good," one of the paramedics said. "I'm amazed he's still alive." Ruth swallowed and prayed that the hospital wasn't that far away. The quicker the better.

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><p>Ruth had been pacing up and down for more than an hour. As soon as they had reached the hospital Harry had been taken into emergency surgery. She turned instantly as she heard the door open at the end of the corridor. "How is he?" Erin asked.<p>

"I don't know," Ruth said shaking her head sadly. "No one's telling me anything. He's in surgery."

"Sit down," Erin said quietly.

"I can't," she said. "I can't just sit."

"So pacing the floor is your only other option?"

"Erin, if you can't do anything useful, just go." Ruth said, her nerves already at breaking point.

"Go and wash your hands," Erin sad quietly. She looked down and saw that her skin was completely covered in Harry's blood. She nodded once, knowing that Erin had a point. As she was walking to the bathroom she saw that her blue dress was stained dark with blood as well. But there was no way she was going home to change. She had to be here whatever happened. If the worst happened and he died… If she wasn't here, she'd never forgive herself.

When her hands were clean she looked in the mirror and took a deep steadying breath. She couldn't afford to fall apart. Not when there was still hope. Even a small sliver of hope as it was.

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><p>Erin sat down on those uncomfortable plastic hospital chairs waiting. Harry couldn't die, Ruth would never get over it. Erin called her mum, just to check that Rosie was okay. When someone was in mortal danger she needed to know that her daughter was safe. Then she saw a surgeon approaching her. She quickly said her goodbyes and faced him.<p>

"Well?" Erin asked.

"The woman who was here," the surgeon said uneasily. "Miss Evershed. Where is she?"

"She'll be back in a minute," Erin said. "Can you just tell me which way its going to go? She'll fall apart if it isn't good news."

"I'm afraid I can only tell Miss Evershed. About a year ago Mr Pearce changed his wishes. He made Miss Evershed his emergency contact and next of kin. I can only release information to her."

Erin was surprised that he'd done that but after a minute realised she should have expected that. The surgeon was about to leave when they both saw Ruth waiting at the end of the corridor looking as white as a sheet. She looked terrified. In a steadier voice than either woman thought possible she said the only thing she could think of.

"Tell me."

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><p><em>More soon. Whatever happens (and I'm not sure yet) Ruth will look in the desk drawer for the people who were wondering...<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_As you're all so nice I've written and am adding another chapter today. I know they are short but the advantage of short chapters is I can update more quickly._

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><p>The surgeon sighed and Ruth sat down next to Erin, thinking it was probably a good idea not to be standing. "He's still in surgery and will be for a while yet but I wanted to give you an update." Ruth nodded as Erin held her hand tightly. "One of the stabs perforated his stomach but we're repairing that and it shouldn't cause any long term problems. The other two were pushed quite far into his left lung and are very serious. His lung's collapsed but we're trying to repair it. Its difficult and I don't know if we will be successful. It'll take at least three to four more hours, possibly longer if complications arise."<p>

"Could he die?" Ruth asked bluntly.

"Yes," the surgeon said. "I need to get back."

"Of course," Ruth said nodding. "Go and fix him." The surgeon nodded and left as Erin squeezed her hand tightly. "I need to stop thinking of him," she said. "Tell me something else. About anything."

"Want to see some pictures of Rosie?" Erin suggested.

"Yes," Ruth said firmly. Erin smiled and got her mobile phone, bringing some pictures up. Ruth smiled as she flicked through them. "You should go home and be with her. You being here won't make Harry better."

"Dimitri will be here in a few minutes to take over," Erin said with a smile.

"I'll be alright on my own," she said.

"I'm sure," Erin replied. "But we don't want you to be alone at a time like this." Ruth smiled at the same time Dimitri came through the doors. "Call me," Erin said firmly as she switched places with Dimitri. Ruth was beyond replying but Dimitri nodded. Erin turned and left and Dimitri put his arm around Ruth, trying to comfort her.

"Dimitri," she started in a small voice. "What do I do if… if he dies?"

"He won't," Dimitri said with a confidence he didn't feel. He wanted to reassure her. "Come on, you know how stubborn he is. He won't die."

"That's true," she said. "He is stubborn. You know it'll be a few hours yet. You don't have to stay here with me."

"Yes I do," Dimitri said. "And I'm not just here for you. I'm worried about Harry too."

"I know. Thank you," Ruth said sincerely. She sniffed trying to keep the tears at bay. Dimitri just kept an arm around her, trying to keep a little but of hope alive in her.

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><p>Dimitri felt uncomfortable. Ruth had fallen asleep on his shoulder and his arm felt completely numb. But he wouldn't move. He knew how hard it must have been for her to fall asleep in the first place. The doors opened and Dimitri saw a surgeon approach. Oh God, he thought to himself. The doctor looked at Ruth pointedly.<p>

"If he's dead don't make me wake her up," Dimitri said slowly. "That's the kind of news that can wait. She'll never sleep easy again if he's dead. So don't make me wake her up just to give her bad news." The surgeon nodded with a straight face, understanding where Dimitri was coming from. He paused before speaking, as if thinking about it.

"Wake her."

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><p><em>Reviews make me type faster!<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_I told you I'm a sucker for reviews so as you're all being so wonderful, I'm updating again tonight. Hope you like!_

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><p>"Ruth," Dimitri said quietly, shaking her lightly.<p>

"Mm?" she said dazed. "Oh God, Harry," she said as the events of the day came back to her. "I can't have been sleeping while he's dying. How is he?" she asked desperately trying to bring her brain out of her sleep induced haze.

"He's alive," the surgeon said simply. Ruth let out a breath as she felt the earth stop spinning out of control. He waited for her to recover slightly before continuing. "We've repaired both holes in his left lung. It wasn't easy and the patch came off twice during surgery which is what took so long."

"But its okay?" she asked firmly. "He's okay?"

"Lungs are fine," the surgeon assured her. "Physically, he will recover but there was an issue on the operating table." Ruth waited as he slowly carried on. "His heart stopped twice. We got it going again but his brain would have been without oxygen for a few minutes. There… there might be brain damage."

"Is it… permanent?" she asked feeling devastated.

"Possibly."

"Okay," she said, her hands running over her face in agitation. "But he'll live?"

"Yes, he'll live."

"Can I see him?"

"Follow me," he said. Ruth got up and then looked back at Dimitri.

"Go on," he said with a smile. "I'll be right here. I'll call Erin and Callum."

"Thanks," she said. Anxiously she followed he surgeon to Harry's hospital room. She didn't know what she expected to see. The doctor opened the door and Ruth gasped as she saw Harry. He was lying in a hospital bed, so many machines and wires coming out of him. He looked so, so close to death.

"Oh Harry," she said sadly. "Oh my God." She walked around his bed and sat down next to him. "How long?" Ruth asked, her eyes magnetised on Harry's face. "How long before he wakes up? How long?"

"A few days. Maybe even a week," he said. Ruth reached out for Harry's hand and tried to ignore the wires attached to it. "What's your name?" she asked the surgeon. "I just want to know the name of the man who saved him."

"Well it wasn't just me..." he said humbly.

"Please," Ruth said quietly.

"Ethan Clarke," he said with a small smile.

"Thank you for keeping him alive."

"It'll be a long recovery."

"I know, but if it wasn't for you he'd already be dead. Thank you." Ruth didn't know how long she stayed there, sitting next to him, holding his hand. She knew that daylight had dawned by the time the door opened. She kept hold of Harry's hand but turned, seeing Callum there. He looked at Harry and every comment he could think of making vanished. Harry looked worse than he had imagined.

"Go home," Callum said to Ruth. She shook her head instinctively.

"I can't," she said. "I can't leave him."

"Mm," Callum said sitting next to her. "I've been given orders from Erin and Dimitri that I am to convince you to leave for long enough to get something to eat, some sleep and to get changed. You're still wearing half of his blood, which isn't going to be what he wants to see when he wakes up." Ruth looked down at her dress and knew he had a point.

"I can't leave him alone," she said but Callum knew she was wavering.

"I'll stay here," Callum said. "I'll call you the moment anything happens or changes. I promise." Ruth looked at Harry and logic told her that he wouldn't be waking up in the next few hours, or even days. He wouldn't even know she was gone.

"Okay," Ruth said. She gave Harry's hand a last squeeze and leant over him, kissing his cheek lightly, not caring that Callum was there, watching them. She straightened up and looked Callum directly in the eye. "I will never forgive you if you don't call me," she said firmly.

"I know you won't," Callum said quietly.

"Okay then." Ruth gave Harry a last look and she left the hospital and went home.

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><p><em>In case it wasn't clear reviews really encourage me!<em>


	5. Chapter 5

She tried to hurry at home, wanting to return to the hospital as soon as possible. By the time she got upstairs to take a shower she couldn't control her shaking any longer. Bracing her hands against the wall she let herself fall apart. The tears were falling down her face and her legs could no longer support herself. She collapsed onto the floor and only picked herself up when she heard her mobile ringing.  
>"Harry?" she asked instantly on answering it.<p>

"He's fine," Callum said. "I just wanted to let you know that everything's the same."

"Okay," Ruth said, closing her eyes.

"Just thought you'd want to know."

"Thanks Callum," she said sincerely before hanging up. Taking a deep steadying breath she stripped her clothes off, shocked at the amount of blood that had reached her skin. She definitely needed a shower. She threw her clothes in the bin, because there was no way she was going to get the blood out of them. And even if she had, she'd never be able to wear them anyway.

Within an hour she felt a lot better. She was clean and had eaten but knew she wouldn't sleep. She decided to drive back to the hospital. Halfway there she pulled over and stopped, wanting to think something out. Harry had asked her to find something in his desk if he died. He had asked her to open a drawer and find something. She had no idea what it was. Now Harry was out of immediate danger she had the leisure to think about it. What had he wanted her to see so badly? What had to be so important that he wasted what could have been his final words on? She was about to turn the car around to Thames House when she remembered. He had said "if I die." If she looked at it and saw whatever it was, it was almost like saying she didn't believe he'd wake up. It was saying she'd given up on him. So, as much as the curiosity was burning through her, she didn't go and look. She turned the engine back on and headed towards the hospital.

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><p>It was five days later and Ruth was practically living by Harry's bedside. Ethan came to talk to her one morning. "Now that's a bad look on your face," Ruth said to the doctor, keeping her grip on Harry's hand, even as she turned to face the doctor. "What is it?"<p>

"The longer he stays unconscious, the more likely it is that he'll be suffering from brain damage when he wakes up."

"I'd guessed as much," Ruth said sadly. "So… how bad will it be when he wakes up? What will he be suffering from?"

"I don't want to worry you before I have to," Ethan said.

"Just tell me."

"Any one of a number of things," Ethan said. "Anything as minor as occasionally headaches and dizziness."

"And what's the worst case?" Ruth asked, knowing it would be worse than that. She squeezed Harry's hand tightly as Ethan began to speak again.

"Possible language and speech deficits is the most likely. Maybe memory loss. Maybe optic nerve damage. Unlikely but there could be paralysis of certain muscles. Extremely unlikely but he could lose the ability to walk."

"Oh God," she whispered in a hoarse voice, looking at Harry's face, feeling the tears fall down her cheeks. "I wish you'd lied to me now."

"I'm sorry," Ethan said sincerely.

"Don't be," Ruth said shaking her head. "He's still alive. That's something." Ethan watched this beautiful woman and felt so sad that this was the news he had to give her. She'd been here so often this week he wondered if she ever went home. Harry Pearce was a lucky bastard, he thought wryly. To have a woman who cared for him like this. He was about to leave when he heard something coming from the patients bed.  
>"Help!" Ruth said quickly. Harry was choking on the tube down his throat. Ethan pushed her out of the way quickly and removed the tube, checking Harry's vitals. "This is good isn't it?" Ruth said her eyes sparkling. "This means he's breathing on his own doesn't it?"<p>

"Yes, it does," Ethan said surprised.

"I used to work in a hospital," she said. "No medical training but I was there long enough to know that much."

"Yes, he's breathing on his own," Ethan confirmed. Ruth perched on the edge of the bed and leant over Harry. Ethan thought this was probably an appropriate moment to leave. He closed the door quietly behind him.

"Harry, can you hear me?" she whispered still hovering over him, her face very close to his. "I hope you can hear me anyway," she said, her hands caressing his cheeks. "I really need you to wake up some time soon. It'll really help me to know you're not suffering from irreparable brain damage." No reaction but the monitors steady reassuring beeping. "Okay," Ruth said quietly. "Well, I gave it a shot." She moved and kissed his lips so softly, needing to touch him even if he couldn't respond. "Whenever you decide to wake up I'll be here."

Ruth sat next to him on the horribly uncomfortable plastic chair and kept his hand tight in her grip. She eventually fell asleep, feeling Harry's pulse reassuringly under her fingertips.

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><p><em>Hope you enjoy the slightly longer chapter. I'm amazed by all of your reviews, thank you so much. (b. devyn- maths is overrated anyway...)<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_Really short but hopefully important._

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><p>This hurts. The one thought running through his mind. This hurts. He couldn't feel anything except the pain. It was worse on the left. Like burning. Now that he thought about it he could feel three distinct areas of pain. Three places where the burning pain felt more intense. As this occurred to him he realised his eyes weren't open. He focused all of his energy into raising his eyelids. It seemed to take an inordinate amount of time before he managed it.<p>

He was staring at a ceiling which was badly in need of a layer of paint, he thought absently. It was dark, therefore it must be night. There was a tiny annoying beeping reaching his ears and he turned his head, seeing a monitor. That told him he was in a hospital bed and at least alive. Then his eyes went down the bed. A head was resting on the bed sheets, a head with messy brown hair splaying across the white cotton. He knew he knew this woman but he couldn't quite grasp her name. He knew he was in love with her, he knew she had incredibly hypnotising blue eyes he never quite managed to stop staring at. But still her name escaped his mind.

He realised that his right hand was clasped in hers tightly. He drew some comfort from that. He turned his head and looked at his free left hand. He slowly curled his fingers, pleased that he could do that. Collecting every particle of his energy he raised his hand, trying to move it across his body. He dropped his arm three times and it took countless minutes and incredible stubbornness before he managed what he was trying to achieve. His hand covered hers, so both of his hands were touching her lightly. As soon as he managed that his eyes fell closed, energy completely spent.

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><p><em>I'm working quite a lot this weekend but hope to update as soon as I can. Thanks for all the lovely reviews so far! xxx<em>


	7. Chapter 7

Ruth groaned as she woke up. This was such a bad sleeping arrangement for her neck. She raised her free hand and rubbed her aching muscles. Then she looked down at her hand which was still holding Harry's and she froze. Both his hands were on hers. And she knew she hadn't touched his left. She hadn't wanted to go near his left side so as not to hurt him, or even risk the possibility of hurting him.

"Harry, can you hear me?" she asked moving closer to his face. "Just give me some sign if you can hear me. Something. Anything." She waited but nothing happened. No twitch of a finger, no eyes opening, nothing. She sighed, feeling devastated all over again. But she didn't move either of his hands, she didn't want the touch to end. She was still sitting there when Ethan came in.

"How is he today," Ethan asked, knowing that Ruth would know more than any of the nurses looking in on him.

"Er I don't really know," Ruth said shaking her head tiredly.

"You should go home and get some sleep in a proper bed," Ethan said, knowing his words would have no effect. "Oh, I wouldn't have moved his left hand if I were you," Ethan said seeing his arm across his body, especially as it was resting on his stomach wound.

"I didn't," she said happily, her eyes sparkling. "I woke up to find his hands like this."

"Are you sure?" Ethan said confused. Patients in this situation rarely moved or did anything before speaking. Or at least opening their eyes.

"Yes I'm sure," Ruth said. "I'd never have risked hurting him. I wouldn't have even touched his left side." Normally Ethan would argue but he knew this woman well enough to know that she was telling the truth. She wasn't a liar.

"In that case I would expect him to wake up in the next three to four hours," Ethan said. "If he has enough brain power to move his arm, there's no reason he won't be awake soon."

"That's good," Ruth said. "What about… brain damage?"

"We won't know until he wakes up. But movements a good sign."

Ruth nodded. "Listen, I have people to call but I can't leave him. I know I'm not supposed to but can I use my mobile phone here?"

"I won't say a word," he said quietly with a smile. Ruth picked up her phone left handed and quickly dialled the grid. She wanted to tell them the good news.

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><p>By the time she put the phone down she and Harry were alone again. Then she felt it. A finger twitch. "Harry?" she said quietly, looking at his closed eyes. "Harry can you look at me? Please try." And slowly miraculously he did. His eyes opened and he focused on her face. She smiled.<p>

"Welcome back," she said, her eyes swimming with tears. He blinked at her once. "Can you see me?" she asked quietly. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes," he said in a painful whisper.

"Good," she said with total happiness. "You had me worried there."

"I know you," he said quietly and she felt her happiness burst. Why would he not know her? "I know what I feel for you, and I can see our past but I'm sorry, I just… I can't quite remember your name."

"Oh," Ruth said quietly. "Okay." She moved her hand away from both of his but he wouldn't let her.

"No. I know who you are," he said, his eyes fixed on her showing a depth of feeling despite himself. "I remember things. I remember proposing to you. I remember you saying no. I know that we work together and I know that you were with me when I was stabbed in the open air, the wind through your hair before I blacked out. But your name… I'm sorry."

"No, I was warned," Ruth said quietly. "You were rushed into surgery and your heart stopped twice. Oxygen stopped getting to your brain for a few minutes. We weren't sure what would happen when you woke up." She didn't know what else to say so added something completely irrelevant. "Sasha and Ilya are both back in Russia if it helps."

"I don't know who they are," Harry said slowly.

"Right," Ruth said weakly. "I'll get the doctor to come and talk to you." Harry couldn't say anything to stop her. Ruth turned from the room and quietly shut the door. She had known that he might lose things from his memory but something as simple as her name… She walked to the receptionist and told her that Harry Pearce was awake. It didn't take long before she saw doctors going to check on his progress. She couldn't bring herself to go back into that room and see what else he'd lost. She'd wait until someone came to find her and tell her officially. In the meantime she helped herself to some truly awful hospital coffee.

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><p><em>I did have the next two chapters written but I've changed my mind about the story direction. Anyway, leave a review and I'll update as soon as I've tweaked things.<em>


	8. Chapter 8

Ethan found her about an hour later. She had calmed herself down quite a lot, thinking that whatever he'd lost, she'd help him to get it back. As long as he was here and alive, that was all she was thinking of.

"How is he?" she asked throwing her third coffee of the morning away.

"Not as bad as we'd anticipated," he said. "No amnesia, no memory loss, he can see and hear just fine too. He was a bit disorientated when he woke up but he seems to have got over that. However he does have issues with some words. He can still hold a pretty decent conversation but names seem difficult for him. That's the only problem he seems to have. With time, he'll probably recover completely. But he does need time for his brain to rewire.

"Okay, are you sure his memory is fine?" she asked.

"I asked him what he was doing before getting stabbed and he asked me had I signed the official secrets act."

Ruth laughed. "Okay," she said happily. "He's okay then. Does he want to see me? I don't think I behaved exactly brilliantly."

"Yes," Ethan said. "He asked where the beautiful brilliant brunette is and if she'd be coming back any time soon."

"That's my cue," Ruth said. "Thank you." She walked back into Harry's hospital room pleased to see fewer machines and that he was sitting up in bed. "I shouldn't have run off like that," she said. "I'm…"

"Don't say sorry," he said quickly. "If you came out of a coma and couldn't remember my name I wouldn't be too happy either." She smiled and sat next to him holding his hand lightly.

"I'm glad you're back," she said.

"Mm, me too," he said with a small smile. "So, are you going to tell me your name?"

"I don't know," Ruth said with a small grin. "I rather like being called the beautiful brilliant brunette." Harry's eyes twinkled in a very Harry like manner. "Ruth," she said quietly. "Ruth Evershed."

"Okay," he said. "I promise not to forget it."

"Well with a brain injury, I think you can be forgiven."

"When I thought I was dying," he said slowly. "I asked you to look in my…" he was searching for the word, she could tell.

"Desk," she said quietly.

"Yes, that's it," he said relieved.

"You asked me to do that if you died," Ruth said carefully. "So I haven't looked. Because you're not going to die."

"Go. Find it. I want you to."

"Are you sure?"

"There's something there that will… say things better than I currently can."

"Okay," she said nodding. "If you want me to, I will."

"Yes, do." She smiled. "Before… the boy stabbed me."

"Sasha."

"Yeah, Sasha. You asked me to leave the service with you. Did you mean it?"

"Of course I meant it," she said in a low voice. "If you'll let me, I want to take care of you while you're recovering.

"Mm, I'll let you," he said with a smile. Suddenly in that moment she had the overwhelming desire to kiss him but she restrained herself. After all she'd had enough practice. But Harry was as quick as ever he had been. He leant forward but then groaned as his weight shifted against his stab wounds.

"Harry!" she said in a warning voice. She pushed him gently back onto the pillows. "What did you do that for?" she asked in a stern voice.

"If you just did what you were thinking, I wouldn't have had to move," he said weakly. Ruth should have known she was that transparent. At least to him. So she stopped thinking. And she gently kissed his lips, his right hand raising to cup her face lightly. It was necessarily brief because his breathing was heavy and he needed air.

"Its been too long since we last did that," he said.

"You kissed me about a week ago," Ruth said. "Before you were taken to the American Embassy."

"That was a…" he sighed in frustration as Ruth stroked his hand reassuringly.

"Goodbye kiss?" she suggested.

"Do you always know what I'm thinking?"

"I can usually guess," she said, her mouth twitching.

"Anyway, yes. That was a goodbye kiss, this one was better." Ruth smiled and kissed him again, lips gently pressing against each other. As if learning the contours of their faces for the very first time, which in a way they were. "And that's better still," he said. "I…" She waited for him to continue but whatever word he was searching for remained elusive. "I hate being this helpless!" he said in a raised voice but she knew that wasn't what he had intended to say.

"Harry…"

"Go to… work and find what I asked you to."

"Thames House," Ruth said filling in the blank.

"Thank you." He raised her hand which was still entwined with his and kissed it slowly. She smiled as she left him.

"I'll be back."

"I know," he said, slumping on the pillows as she closed the door quietly behind her. He tried desperately to search for the words he wanted to say to her. The words that seemed to slip through the net of his mind. He hoped his condition would get better because this was incredibly frustrating. But he didn't think much further before sinking into sleep.

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><p><em>Hope this lives up to expectations. More soon, but reviews make me want to post more quickly! Massive thanks to everyone who has already reviewed. xxx<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Was going to post this tomorrow but I'm really curious what you all think. A bit nervous about this one..._

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><p>Ruth was annoyed by how long it was taking the security to clear her to get into Thames House. She'd left her ID at home because she hadn't thought she'd needed it at the hospital. The security guards were arguing amongst themselves about whether to let her through or not while she pulled out her phone. "Erin, can you please help me get onto the grid? Can you come down and assure security that I have no intention of blowing up the building?"<p>

"I'll be right there," Erin said trying to hide her amusement. Ruth felt like every minute was taking an eternity, desperate as she was to hunt through Harry's desk.

Eventually she saw Erin appear with a smile. On the way back to the grid she turned to Ruth. "I assume he's awake," Erin said. "Otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"Yes, he's awake," Ruth said happily. "He's awake. He wanted me to find something in his desk, which is why I'm here."

"We haven't moved anything," Erin said. "I've been running the grid but I didn't want to go into his office."

"Thank you."

"Is he going to be alright?" Erin asked as they walked through the pods separately.  
>"I think so," Ruth said. "His breathings heavy and he's quite weak. Also, you know about the possible brain damage?" Erin nodded. "He's struggling with some words. He can't always say what he wants to but I'm hoping that'll get better with time. Anyway, he'll live."<p>

"That's good." Erin paused before saying something which she'd been mulling over for a while. "He isn't coming back is he?

"I hope not," she said honestly. "Physically, he won't be able too for a good few months but I hope he'll be able to let this go."

"I hope you'll be very happy together," Erin said sincerely.

"Thank you."

Dimitri walked past quickly. "Erin, we need you." Erin looked at Ruth apologetically as she walked to her station. Ruth looked at Harry's empty office and swallowed. It felt wrong to be here without him. She opened the door and closed it behind her. Her hand stayed on the door and she quickly locked it. She wanted to be alone while going through Harry's desk. She pulled the blinds as well, not wanting others to be looking at her. She sat in his chair and tried to get the courage to open the drawer. Her eyes were fixed on it and eventually she reached for the handle and pulled it out slowly. There was a cardboard box there, about the size of a small shoebox. She picked the box up, resting it on the desk.

It took a long time before she felt brave enough to lift the lid. Her fingers shaking slightly, not knowing what she expected to see, she took the lid off. Nothing dramatic was her first thought. It just seemed like scraps of paper, at least on the top. She picked them up gently and unfolded them. As she began to read she realised what they were. They were letters written to her which he'd never sent. They were all dated, and she saw that they were all from her time in exile. Except one. But she'd turn her attention to that one later.

She slowly began to read, her heart swelling as she did. So much was written in them. He said that he missed her and that he loved her. He wrote that he hoped she was happy, wherever she might be. He said he wished he could talk to her. He was sure that the latest disaster wouldn't have happened had she been there. There were long paragraphs where he talked himself out of looking for her, knowing it was safer that way. Eventually she folded them carefully, knowing how much emotion had been put into writing them in the first place. Her hands were shaking slightly as she opened the final letter.

_Ruth,_

_I'm guessing that if you're reading this I'm going to be in a pretty bad state. I may even be dead if you're reading this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for so many things it would be impossible to write them all down, so I'll just stick to the main apologies you deserve. I thought about finding you so often when you weren't here. And then when you came back we just carried on the same way we always had. Neither of us saying anything but both knowing it was always there between us under the surface. I should have told you a thousand times how I felt about you. So I'll tell you now. I love you. I've always loved you and that will never change._

_I never should have proposed to you like that. The moment the words were out of my mouth I knew I'd said the wrong thing and my timing was incredibly wrong. Did I really think that proposing to you at a funeral would make you say yes? Apparently I did, and I hoped. But you said no. I spent a long time wondering why. Did you not feel for me the way I feel for you? I watched you on the grid for hours at a time and couldn't convince myself that that was the case. The way your eyes kept flicking to my office. The concern on your face about me. So I still hoped for the best. I hoped that it was my timing that was wrong, not that you didn't care for me. I hoped._

_Just when we seemed to be getting back to how we should be my past came back to haunt me. I am so sorry for how much it hurt you. I never wanted that. I could see how much just a mention of Elena hurt you and I hated myself for involving you in that whole stupid mess. I could see no other way out of it. Your intelligence and brilliance was, sad as I am to say it, necessary. But I hated hurting you. There are times when I look at you and I can see that you believe I am still in love with her. I don't know how to tell you the truth because I know you don't want to talk about it. I can see that. But I'll say now that I am not in love with her. I was once, a long time ago. I'll freely tell you that, even if it hurts you, because I won't lie to you. Even if you never read this and the chances are that you won't, I still can't lie to you._

_Because I see how much this is hurting you, I'm going to let you go. I know the Home Secretary is after you, and I can't say I blame him. After all you are brilliant. You haven't told me but I know when you're hiding something from me. It didn't take much to work out he wanted you to join him in the Home Office. And I know that you're waiting to find an opportunity to talk to me. Its too dangerous for you here. There are so many things I want, but the most important thing to me is that you're safe. Its safer for you working for the Home Secretary than staying in Thames House. I should have encouraged you to move on but I didn't want to lose you. I couldn't imagine turning up to work everyday without seeing you. I've done that once before and selfishly I didn't want to face the prospect of doing it again. But if its best for you, of course I will. So if you ask me, I'm going to let you go. Even knowing how much it'll hurt to lose you. I can feel that this is not going to end well, the Gavrik debacle. I don't want you involved more than is absolutely necessary._

_I'm putting this in a box with all the other letters which I wrote and never sent. I wouldn't have even known where to send them and I probably wouldn't have been brave enough anyway. I needed to write to you, even if you wouldn't read it. I couldn't take the loneliness. I needed to imagine that I had a way to talk to you, even if it was ridiculous. In this box, as well as these letters you'll find some pictures of you. I hope you don't mind but I liked to see your face. I needed to. Even after you came back from Cyprus I couldn't get rid of them._

_There's also _(a word hurriedly crossed out and illegible)_ something for you here. I didn't know what to do with it and I couldn't get rid of it. If you like, you can pretend you haven't seen it. I'm probably dead by the time you read this so I'll never know what you think anyway. Maybe its better that way. I'll leave you to think about that one. I love you. Please remember me that way if nothing else. As a man who loves you._

_Harry._

Ruth turned her attention away from the letter and trying to keep the tears from falling. She saw several pictures of herself but didn't waste time looking at them. She found what she was after right at the bottom of the box. An engagement ring. She had guessed from the last paragraph what she'd see. But she wasn't prepared for the engraving around the inside of the white gold band. It was very simple and it seemed to be so _them_ somehow. It said, "love doesn't need words." The round diamond was incredibly bright even in the dim office, and there were two deep sapphires either side. It was so beautiful.

She let the ring slide from her grasp and drop quietly back into the box. She cried, she couldn't help it. The emotion of the past week was finally catching up to her and she couldn't hold back anymore. Eventually her tears were spent and she breathed in deeply. She had a desperate desire to slip the ring on her finger, but she didn't. She would wait for him to ask her properly. There was no power on earth that would make her say no for a second time, even if he was idiot enough to propose at another funeral.

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><p><em>I'm not sure I've pitched the emotion quite right here but I hope it's okay. More as soon as I've written it.<em>

_Also I've added a link on my profile to what I think Ruth's engagement ring could look like. _


	10. Chapter 10

Harry waited about ten minutes until he was relatively sure Ruth wasn't coming back. He moved his right hand to hit the call button and soon enough a nurse he didn't recognise him came into his room. "Are you okay?" she asked with an annoyingly chirpy smile.

"I want some help to try and stand up and walk," Harry said quietly. The nurse shook her head instantly.

"You've only come out of unconsciousness this morning," she said. "Its not a good idea. Not this soon."

"I don't care," Harry said honestly. "I need… I need to try."

"I'll get the physiotherapist to come and have a word with you then," the nurse said, clearly of the opinion that this was a bad idea.

"Thank you." It took five minutes before a doctor he didn't recognise came back in the hospital room along with Ethan Clarke.

"Maybe we should wait until Ruth comes back," Ethan suggested.

"No!" Harry said quickly. "I can't be… this weak. I can't be this useless. I know that she'll smile and say all the right things but I can't not be able to walk. I just… I can't."

"She won't care," Ethan said firmly. "Trust me she won't care. I work eighty hour weeks and she's been here more often than I have this week, just waiting for you to wake up. It won't matter to her."

"It matters to me." There was silence in the room as they both helped Harry stand. It took longer than it really should have and Harry was getting frustrated. Eventually he managed to stay standing while holding on to one of the doctors hands tightly.

"Why is this so hard," he muttered to himself.

"You came out of unconsciousness just this morning," Ethan said. "It'll get easier." Harry ignored him and tentatively took a step forward. He winced involuntarily as his weight shifted against his stab wounds on the left side.

"This is a bad idea," the physio said surely.

"I don't care," Harry said taking another shaky step. He stayed standing for another five minutes before his stubbornness gave way to his exhaustion. He got back in bed breathing heavily.

"I can't believe this is how I'm going to have to live," he said quietly. "Three steps and that's all? I…"

"Stop," Ethan said firmly. "It will get better. Frankly its amazing that you managed to stay standing at all this early on."

"We got so close," Harry said quietly. "And now we're both here… I don't want… I don't want her to be stuck with me when… when I can't even walk and talk properly." Ethan had no idea what to say to him and knew he was speaking to himself mainly anyway. Ethan checked Harry's vitals one more time before leaving the room.  
>Harry closed his eyes in frustration. He knew that Ruth wouldn't leave him because of the state he was in. She was far too good and loyal to do that. But to keep her attached to him, having her have to look after him while he was recovering was not what he wanted. He closed his eyes feeling desperation overwhelm him.<p>

* * *

><p>Ruth had gone home briefly and she had taken the box of letters with her. And the engagement ring. She hadn't looked at it again because she was convinced she'd start crying again and that was a waste of time when she could have been with Harry. She left the box at home and then got straight back in her car to drive to the hospital. She wanted to see him badly.<p>

At the hospital she quietly opened the door and saw that Harry was asleep. She smiled, glad that he was sleeping this time rather than unconscious and close to death. She sat next to him and held his hand lightly. She was shocked to see that he opened his eyes instantly.

"I hoped it was you," he said with a small smile. "I'm sick of the doctors already."

"You've only been conscious a few hours and already you're complaining," Ruth said rolling her eyes.

"Did you find it?" Harry asked. "The…" he couldn't find the word he wanted to say and screwed his eyes in concentration.

"The ring? Yes I did," she said sadly. He held up her left hand delicately and saw she wasn't wearing it. The disappointment was clear on his face.

"Ah. I understand," he said quietly.

"No you don't," she said with a small smile. "Finding a ring isn't the same as you proposing to me. Beautiful as it is. I'm waiting for you to ask me properly. When we're out of here and everything's back to normal."

"Normal?" he questioned. "Look, I tried… when you were at work, I tried to walk. I can't really do it. I…" He curled up his free hand and punched the bed in frustration.

"It doesn't matter," she said shaking her head. "You will. It'll take time but you will recover." She paused but said something else to fill the silence. "My house, I pictured it for both of us but if you don't like it…"

"You picked it," Harry said slowly, a smile spreading on his face. "I'll…" He groaned in frustration before trying again. "I'll… love it." She nodded happily. "And I love you."

"I wanted to hear you say that," she said happily. She moved up the hospital bed and kissed him softly. "I love you too," she whispered before kissing him again. She felt rather than heard him hiss in pain. She realised she'd been leaning over his chest and was putting pressure on his stab wounds. "Oh God, I'm sorry!" she said instantly, immediately moving away from him. She felt Harry grip her wrist tightly as she sat back down.

"Don't be sorry. It just hurts a bit." She knew he was downplaying it and was about to change the subject when Harry spoke again. "I don't want you to feel…"

"What?" Ruth asked impatiently.

"Give me a minute," Harry said closing his eyes in concentration. "Obligated. I don't want you to feel obligated."

"Oh Harry," she whispered sadly. She squeezed his hand before letting go and perching on the edge of the bed. "I love you," she said simply. "Do you feel the same?"

"No," he said quietly and for a second she felt her heart stop. "I love you more. I love you so much that…"

Ruth cut him off quickly before he could think of what he wanted to say. "Then that's all that matters." She lay down next to him on the bed, her head resting on the right side of his chest. After a moment of surprise he started stroking her hair lightly. She sighed with contentment at the happy simplicity of the moment.

"Has anyone mentioned when you're going to be discharged?" Ruth asked in a whisper as Harry's fingers caressed her hair.

"No they're treating me like…" He groaned in frustration.

"A lab rat?" Ruth suggested with a wicked smile.

"Very flattering," Harry said sarcastically.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Honestly? I'm in pain," he said. "But I'm alive, which is more than I thought I would be."

"I want to look after you. When you get out of here."

"Ruth, you don't have to."

"I know, but I want to," she said. "Especially after those wonderfully romantic things you wrote in those letters."

"I just wish I could speak like that now rather than have everything sink away."

"It will get better Harry," she said.

"God I hope so."

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><p><em>Thanks for all the reviews everyone, especially for the last chapter which I was a bit worried about. I know this chapter turned a little angsty but I would imagine a man like Harry having his freedom taken away like this would be frustrating! Please leave a review and let me know if you think I'm on the right track.<em>


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks for the lovely reviews. I'm posting this as soon as I've written it so apologise for any mistakes._

* * *

><p>Two days later Harry had been deemed fit to go home much to both of their happiness, as long as he took everything easy. Ruth was anticipating this to be a hard thing for Harry to do, but wanted him out of hospital too badly to argue. He hated how weak he'd become, it exhausted him just standing and walking a few steps and most of all, he hated Ruth seeing him like this. By the time she arrived at his hospital room that morning he was already sitting in his wheelchair and he was looking out of the window. He was drawn into his shell, she could see that already.<p>

"Harry," she said quietly. He didn't turn to look at her. "You know this is temporary," she added. "The chair's just to help you get around. Or alternatively you could stay here in hospital until you can walk properly on your own. Which means you won't be able to go home for several weeks." Still no reaction. Ruth sighed and sat down on the bed, he was facing her but still his eyes wouldn't look at her. "Harry, look at me." She stayed silent for long minutes until he did. He had a steely look in his eyes and she knew that he hated his own helplessness. She reached out and held his hands tightly in her own. "Talk to me."

"Ruth, I can't talk anymore!" he said harshly. "Things I want to say get lost in the sieve of my mind. I can't walk, I can barely stand. What am I supposed to do?" Ruth closed her eyes, trying to calm down. Her losing her temper wasn't going to help matters. She let her hands squeeze his lightly.

"You need to stay calm," she said. "Do you trust me?"

"You know I do," he said in a low voice.

"It will get better," she said as he shook his head. "Harry, it will. You have to give it time. And I know you're not the most patient man on the planet." That was enough to make his lips twitch slightly. She smiled and the sparkling of her eyes was enough to break the tension. "Let me take you home," she whispered quietly. He nodded once as a nurse came in with the discharge forms. He quietly signed them but shook his head as Ruth went to push the chair.

"My arms still work," he said in a low voice. Ruth didn't argue with him and they silently left the hospital.

* * *

><p>Getting Harry into her car was the next challenge. He wanted to do it by himself but it became clear relatively quickly that he couldn't manage it. "Stop being so stubborn," Ruth said firmly. He sighed and gripped hold of her hand tightly, to support himself and try and stay upright. He managed to manoeuvre himself into the passenger seat and closed the door with more force than was necessary. Ruth flinched at the loud bang but said nothing as she folded up the chair. "Just in case," as she'd told Harry when they'd had this argument yesterday. She knew he was determined not to use it though.<p>

The silence was getting oppressive by the time she pulled up to Harry's house. She switched the engine off and sighed without moving. "Can you say something?"  
>"I don't know what to say," he said. "I want to call someone but I… I can't think of her name." She waited. "Tall, dark long hair… she has a daughter."<p>

"Erin?" Ruth asked.

"Yes," Harry said relieved. "When we're inside I'd like to call her."

"Okay," Ruth said trying to hide her surprise. She opened her door and unlocked Harry's front door before trying to help him inside. He quirked an eyebrow as something occurred to him.

"How did you get a…"

"Key?" Ruth finished with a smile. "How long have I worked for you?" Harry nodded and didn't reply. He kept hold of Ruth's arm tightly as he slowly walked inside. Ruth was silently pleased by how he was managing. Apart from cutting off the circulation to her hand he was walking relatively well. He collapsed on the sofa and she saw he looked exhausted by that simple journey. She went into the kitchen and tipped a lightly whisky into a glass, ignoring both the earliness of the hour and the fact he shouldn't be having alcohol with his painkillers.

She handed him the glass and he smiled a small, genuine smile. "I shouldn't," he said.

"Then don't drink it." Ruth looked at her hands for a second, knowing he would. Sure enough when the glass was handed back to her it was empty.

"Thank you."

"So you want to call Erin?" she asked, trying to talk about normal things.

"Yes." Ruth got up and handed him his phone. He found the number for the grid and dialled. Ruth could tell that he wanted privacy, even if he didn't say it. "I'm going to go out. Get some supplies," she whispered while waiting for the call to be connected.

"Thank you," he replied, feeling a spark of electricity as her fingertips brushed the back of his hand. Just as the front door closed Erin answered.

"Are you in the middle of a crisis?" Harry asked quickly.

"No, not presently," she replied. "I would have visited you in hospital but Ruth was always there and I didn't want to intrude. I felt that I'd be in the way.

"That's okay," he said quickly. "I'm not coming back," he added. His mind couldn't find the word resignation so he tried to continue without it. "To the grid I mean. I'm finished with work."

"I know," Erin said quietly. "I guessed. Being stabbed can rearrange your priorities."

"Yes it can." Harry sighed. "There was a box in my desk. Did Ruth…?"

"She took it with her Harry," Erin said quietly. "It isn't here anymore."

Harry swallowed uncomfortably. How was he meant to propose if she had the ring? And he couldn't exactly ask for it back without her working out why he wanted it. "You can clear out my office," he said. "There isn't anything else important to me there."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Thanks Erin." Harry paused before adding something he'd been thinking about ever since he'd regained consciousness. "About Ruth. Has she…?"

"Has she what?" Erin said completely confused.

"Quit? I just want to know what she's going to do."

"You could always ask her," Erin said slyly.

"Erin."

"I don't know," Erin said. "Although judging by the amount of time she's been spending at your bedside, Towers wouldn't be that surprised if she did."

"Towers," Harry repeated quietly. That was the name he'd been looking for. "Erin, there was something else too. Can you do me a small favour?"

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><p><em>I'm not actually sure what Harry's asking Erin but oh well! Leave a review and I'll try and figure it out...<em>


	12. Chapter 12

"I am warning you, I can't cook," Ruth called from the kitchen.

"Well I can't walk so we're just about even," he said with a smile. He was trying to keep things light hearted so he wouldn't sink into a pit of sadness and depression when he knew she was doing her best to help. She came into the lounge with two plates balanced on her hands and handed Harry his.

"Its only pasta with some kind of ready made sauce," she said giving him his fork as she sat on the opposite end of the sofa.

"Its delicious," he said honestly, though truth be told even had it been horrible, he'd have said that, not to hurt her feelings. "You can have some…" she waited. "Wine if you want. Just because I can't drink."

"I don't have to be inebriated to enjoy your company," she said with a smile. He appreciated her saying that and they happily ate in companionable silence.

* * *

><p>After dinner Harry's eyes were drifting closed, a mixture of tiredness and the painkillers he was on. Ruth noticed and took the plate gently from his grasp. "We should get you upstairs," she said quietly.<p>

"I could barely make it in the house," he said. "I won't be able to get up the stairs." She could tell how much it cost him to admit that. She squeezed his hand and told him she'd be right back. He barely had time to wonder where she'd gone when she came back piled with blankets, more than he thought he actually owned. Before she could cover him her hands started efficiently unbuttoning his shirt.

"Ruth…" he said stopping her hands. He didn't continue because he had no idea what to say and he knew this wasn't a result of the brain injury.

"Harry, I've wanted to take your shirt off hundreds of times over the years. I now have a perfect excuse." Her blue eyes were sparkling with mischief and he dropped his hands, allowing her to continue. She pushed the material away and threw it to the floor. There were three dressings on his left side and she traced the edge of the bandages lightly with her index finger. "Do they hurt?"

"The painkillers take the edge off," he replied. "Yes they do. She was about to drop her hand when he caught it in hers. "But don't stop." She smiled and continued gently touching him, tracing some of his old scars. "Another three to add to the collection." She could tell he was watching her face intently, wanting to see a reaction from her. She looked back into his eyes, love shining through and nothing else.

"Lay down," she said. He did trying to find a comfortable way to lie with his wounds. She lovingly covered him with a blanket or three and kissed his lips softly. He watched her move around the lounge, moving cushions and then he realised what she was doing.

"No… you can't. You…"

"Yes I can," she said quietly settling into her own pile of blankets on the floor next to him. "I don't want you to be on your own tonight."

"There's a perfectly good bed upstairs," he said. "You're more than welcome to it. Just because I can't get upstairs…"

"Hmm," she said quietly, leaning on her pillows and looking into his eyes. "I don't want to sleep in your bed without you. It wouldn't feel right." He wanted to say something eloquent but everything had left his head. So he contended himself by reaching for Ruth's hand and squeezing it gently before they both drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>Ruth woke up at six in the morning feeling a crick in her neck. Her hand was still touching Harry's their fingers entwined lightly together. She looked at their touching hands for a minute or two before disentangling her fingers reluctantly. She reached for her aching neck, a result of the sleeping arrangements, but she wouldn't have changed it for the world. It had been wonderful to fall asleep next to him. Even as unromantic as him sleeping on the sofa and her the floor had been.<p>

Slowly and quietly so as not to disturb him she got up from her pile of blankets and went into the kitchen. She switched the kettle on and found Harry's painkillers. She knew he would be in severe pain when he woke up and had been warned of that by the doctors. Yesterday she'd bought some bread and she quickly put it in the toaster. As it popped up she heard a groan from the lounge. Quickly adding milk to their tea she brought him his mug and painkillers.

"Not how I planned on waking up," he said taking a sip.

"What do you mean?" she asked confused.

"The first time we spend a night together, I'm recovering from surgery, lying on the sofa when you've been sleeping on the floor. Not how I imagined it." Ruth smiled sadly and leant over him to press her lips to his softly.

"Is that better?" she asked and he nodded happily. He swallowed his medication with another gulp of tea as Ruth gave him some toast. "Eat." He obeyed her with a half smile. "Harry I need to do some things today. I'll need to leave you on your own for a few hours."

"That's fine," he said. "What are you doing?"

"I need to go home and pick up some of my things, as I'm planning on staying here to look after you." Harry was about to interrupt when she continued. "I need to go to the Home Office. I need to have an awkward conversation with Towers because he isn't going to be inclined to let me go.

"You're leaving?" Harry asked, a tiny ray of hope in his voice.

"Of course I am," she replied. "I asked you to leave the service with me before Sasha hurt you. I meant it. So I'm going to follow through and leave."

"Come here," he whispered. She smiled and set her lips on his, pulling him in for a deeper kiss than they'd shared for years. Ruth stopped when she felt a hand on her shoulder pushing her away. She backed away confused and then saw that he was gasping for breath.

"Oh I'm sorry," she said. "I forgot. About your breathing."

"Its okay," he breathed heavily. She immediately felt guilty.

"Eat," she repeated. "I'll be back." He watched her go and heard the front door close behind her. He reached for the phone with a grunt of pain as his weight shifted. He called Erin.

"Yes, she's gone. Come over," Harry said briefly.

* * *

><p>Erin let herself in to find Harry sitting on the sofa flicking through a newspaper which was more than a fortnight old. "Hi Harry," she said easily. He dropped the paper and looked at her face. She looked happy was his first thought. Erin held out something and he took it.<p>

"She will hit the roof when she knows its missing Harry," Erin said taking a seat next to him. Harry looked at the engagement ring and felt clouded with doubt.

"I don't know," he said. "When or how I'm going to p…"

"Propose?" Erin asked as Harry nodded. "She'll say yes," Erin said. "I have no doubt in the world that she'll say yes."

"Yeah, I think she probably will," Harry said sadly. "I'm really worried that she'll say yes for the wrong reasons. She already turned me down once and that was when I was healthy. I… I'm scared."

Erin wondered how far she should push it. She took a deep breath and decided to explain it the way she saw it. "Just for a second imagine it were her. Imagine it worse than what you have. Just think of how it would be if she were wheelchair bound for the rest of her life. Paralysed from the waist down, never able to walk again. Would you still want to be with her?"

"Of course I would," he said. "A wheelchair wouldn't change the way I feel."

"Would you still love her? Would you want to marry her?"

"Yes."

"Then why do you think she'd feel any differently? And you will recover." Erin paused, thinking over what she wanted to say, wondering if she was brave enough. "The letter that was with the ring. I know I shouldn't have but I read it. Parts of it are illegible now. Blurred and covered in blotches. She was crying when she read it. She loves you Harry."

"I'm glad you came over now," Harry said with a small smile. Erin laughed lightly.

"Don't wait too long. She will go crazy when she realises the ring is missing."

"Thanks Erin," he said sincerely. Erin nodded once more and left Harry alone, staring at the engagement ring. He wanted to ask her, he truly did, but he'd have liked to have been able to take her out to a beautiful restaurant instead of being housebound. He wanted to walk with her under a starry sky as he slipped the ring on her finger, where it would stay for the rest of her life. His options were limited and he hated that. He spent the rest of the time he was alone thinking about how he would do it.

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><p><em>Okay, I wasn't going to post this until tomorrow but I got into a writing groove so decided I simply had to post! Hope you all enjoy it. More soon xxx <em>

_P.S. cowbell2011, I'm writing as quick as I can ;)_


	13. Chapter 13

Ruth had opened her wardrobe and was randomly throwing clothes in. She had seen Towers briefly and handed in her resignation. He hadn't been surprised and he had actually been quite easygoing about the whole thing.

"I knew I wouldn't be able to keep you from Harry's clutches for too long," Towers had told her. "I knew that but it was worth a try. Even while I knew your loyalty was with Harry, you were still brilliant."

"Its not you," Ruth said. "And I like the job but I have to leave."

"You may like the job," Towers said. "But you _loved_ it at Thames House didn't you?"

"Yes. I made a difference, every day. But I'm not going back there either."

"Look, I know I don't see eye to eye with Harry on many many things," Towers said honestly. "But I know he's a good man. Beneath all the secrecy and the things that working for section D has taken from him, he is a good man." Ruth nodded, feeling surprisingly emotional at this parting. "Look after him. If either of you ever need anything from me, all you have to do is ask."

"Thank you William," she said shaking his hand one last time. She turned and left his office and she didn't look back. In the present Ruth shook her head to clear the memories clouding her mind and went into the bathroom to pick up some of her things. Toothbrush, shampoo and so on.

When she had enough she picked up her bag and hurried downstairs. She wanted to get back to Harry as soon as possible. She paused in her kitchen, looking at the innocuous box sitting on her kitchen table. Dropping the bag by the door she went back and took the lid off. She reread the wonderful letter that Harry had written to her. Her tears had marked it but the words were burned on her memory so it didn't really matter. Lovingly folding it back up she rifled through the other letters and pictures of herself. It wasn't there. The ring wasn't there.

"Shit!" She tipped the box upside down and looked through every scrap of paper for the ring, placing them all back in the box. "No, no, no, no, no, no, no," she kept repeating under her breath. That beautiful perfect engagement ring that he'd kept safe for years. She'd had it a matter of days and she'd lost it. "No, this can't be happening," she said desperately. She put the lid back on the box and started scouring the floor on her hands and knees. She had to find it. She just had to.

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><p>Darkness was drawing near by the time Ruth gave up. She had searched her house from top to bottom and she still hadn't found it. Harry was going to be so upset and disappointed in her, she thought. He was going to read so much into this. He was going to draw all the wrong conclusions and it broke her heart, just the sheer anticipation of what he would say. With her eyes closed she swallowed uncomfortably. She had been so looking forward to seeing Harry but now she was putting it off because she was terrified of hurting him and his reaction. Without much eagerness she picked up her bag and headed out to her car. She was not looking forward to seeing him now. She sighed and switched the engine on.<p>

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><p>Opening the door Ruth's first reaction was surprise. Harry wasn't in the lounge. She turned and saw him sitting at the kitchen table, nose in a book which he put down when he saw her.<p>

"You…?"

"Moved?" Harry said. "Yes." She could see how pleased he was with being able to get into the kitchen by himself. She smiled, in spite of the emptiness she felt over the ring.

"Well done," she said leaning down to plant a kiss on his cheek. She sat opposite him and was so very quiet it was worrying.

"Did everything go okay?" he asked. "With… er… Towers?"

"Yes it went fine," she said in a miserable voice.

"If you want to keep working for him I won't mind," Harry said reaching for her hand. He could tell she was upset but she wasn't volunteering anymore information so he could only guess.

"No its not that." She reached across the table and held his hand tightly. "I'm so so so sorry," she said quietly.

"You're worrying me now," Harry said.

"Please don't be upset or angry at me because I did not do it on purpose. I swear it was an accident." Harry had a niggling suspicion where this was going but let her continue. "I… I've lost that beautiful engagement ring that you picked out for me. I'm so sorry. Please don't read too much into this."

"I'm not," he said. He reached into his pocket with his free hand, the one not holding Ruth's and held the ring out to her. "I might have asked Erin to steal it for me. I couldn't very well propose to you without the ring could I?"

"I hate you," she said in a low voice but she was smiling. "I have been looking for that all day." His index finger traced her knuckles gently.

"In an ideal world, we'd be in a beautiful restaurant for dinner and drinking overpriced champagne when I asked you this. I wouldn't be recovering from surgery and I'd actually be able to walk around the house without help." She was still smiling which he took as a good sign. So he carried on. "But sadly this is the situation we're in so I'll have to live with it. Ruth, I love you. I love you so much. Will you marry me?"

"Of course I will, you bloody idiot," she said smiling, even as the tears fell down her cheeks. Harry smiled too, silently sliding the ring on her finger. "I'm never going to risk losing it again," she said tightening her left hand into a fist. "I'll never take it off."

"That's good to hear," he said. Ruth kept her hands holding his while she was thinking. She knew he must have practised what he wanted to say to her because he hadn't tripped over his words once. And she knew how difficult that must have been for him. She loved him all the more for it. Also in that second she realised he had told her how he felt and she hadn't replied.

"I love you too." She got up from her seat and kissed him, loving the way his hands pulled her even closer. His hands were still on her waist when he had to draw back for air. He took a couple of deep breaths before she lightly kissed him again. Or at least that was the intention. He wouldn't let her go until they had shared another deep satisfying kiss. Her lips were twitching with barely concealed happiness when they parted.

"Have you eaten?" Ruth asked looking through the kitchen cupboards. "As I was later than I planned, looking for a phantom engagement ring." He caught the sly remark but accompanied by her small smile he didn't take it too seriously.

"Its not phantom," he replied. "Its sitting on your finger." When he said that her face broke out into pure happiness. He smiled, glad that simply his words could make her face look like that. He stayed sitting watching her cook, just for the pleasure of seeing her move around his kitchen like it were her own. Which, he reminded himself was now a realistic possibility. Almost inevitable now he thought happily.

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><p><em>Hope this is okay for everyone. Reviews have died off a bit but massive thanks to cowbell2011, pook and threesummerdays who have reviewed every single chapter of this so far. There will be more soon, as long as its wanted. xxx<em>

_Also, Ruth's acceptance is what my mum said when my dad proposed to her, making the whole restaurant laugh. I couldn't resist including it! _


	14. Chapter 14

_With so many happy reviews I am adding this now rather than tomorrow. A thank you for making me pass the one hundred review mark! My imagination ran away with me a little here (but still T rated)_

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><p>"Ruth, I want to go upstairs," Harry said quietly. "Can… can you help me?"<p>

"Yes," she said standing up. He gripped her hand tightly, trying to keep his balance as he stood. Ruth was totally silent as she helped him upstairs, knowing that this was hurting his pride, to need help in something that should have been so simple. Anything she said would have been seen as negative so she said nothing. He closed his eyes as he sat on the edge of his bed, pleased to have made it this far. His eyes popped open when he felt Ruth unbuttoning his shirt. He watched her face as she concentrated on ridding him of the material. Silently she gently took the bandages off. He winced as the air hit his injuries.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I know," he said as she removed the final one. She looked at the angry red scars and her first thought was how small they looked. How could three small cuts really cause this much damage? She shook her head to clear the thoughts of Harry dying which was not something she wanted to dwell on. Harry misinterpreted it.

"You don't have to…" he said tailing off, incapable of finishing the thought.

"I know," she said firmly. "I'm not doing this because I have to. I'm doing it because I want to. Let me look after you." He nodded once and leant back on the bed, head resting on the pillows. Ruth lay down next to him and let her fingertips stroke his fresh scars. "Does that hurt?"

"I'm not sure… whether to lie," he said quietly as she continued. "Because… if I say yes you'll stop. If I say no, you'll carry on. And I want you to carry on." She smiled but lightened her touch even further. Eventually her left hand settled over his heart and he looked at it, smiling as the sapphires caught the light. "I l…" he tried again. "I l..."

"I know," she said as his words trailed away. "You love me. I love you too." She took a breath before speaking. "I'll be back in a minute. I just need to get changed." Before he could speak she left the bed and closed the bathroom door. He wondered absently what she'd come back wearing but was too tired to give it too much serious thought. He wondered if it was pushing it to remove his trousers but then thought what the hell. They were engaged after all. So he took his trousers off, throwing them to the floor just at the moment the bathroom door opened. She was wearing his shirt and his breath caught. She looked gorgeous and he couldn't believe that he was going to marry this beautiful woman.

Ruth slipped into bed next to him and let her bare legs rest against his. "Mm," he said almost without realising it and she laughed lightly. "What?"

"You sound like you're happy," she said.

"I am," he said. "Can you go back in time and tell me that this is where we ended up?"

"No," she said. "Because this is not an "end." Okay?"

"That sounds… hopeful," he said with his hands on her waist. She laughed lightly and then silence fell over the room. Slowly in the evening light they both touched and caressed each other lightly. It wasn't lustful touching, it was simply a slow exploration of each other. She opened her eyes when his hands had stopped moving for a couple of minutes and was pleased to see he'd fallen asleep, one hand on her ribcage the other on her bare thigh. Carefully so as not to wake him she moved closer and rested her head near his, watching him sleep peacefully. It took a long time before her eyes drifted closed and she floated away into a happy dreamless sleep.

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><p>Ruth woke up, her face against Harry's chest. She took a slow deep breath, loving his scent as it filled her head. "Enjoying yourself," an amused voice said. She backed away as he smiled at her.<p>

"Yes actually," she said happily.

"I didn't want to wake you but can you do me a favour?"

"Of course."

"Can you get me my painkillers and a glass of water?"

"You could have woken me for that," she said instantly getting out of bed and going downstairs to grab them. He was only given a second to appreciate the backs of her bare legs before she disappeared. Soon enough she was back and handed him the tablets before swinging her legs back into bed.

"Thank you," he said after swallowing the tablets. "I don't want to ask this of you, but I want to have a bath and I'll need help. Believe me I don't want you to do this but I need to feel clean."

Ruth nodded absently. "Of course I'll help," she said. "Harry say something else."

"Like what?"

"Er…" she sighed racking her brain. "I don't know. Tell me why you love me."

He looked at her curiously but obliged. "You are beautiful, intelligent and wonderful. I can't believe that I am lucky enough to spend the rest of my life with you. Now that you've finally agreed. You're stubborn and you're always right, but I even love that about you. What?" he added when he saw tears fill her eyes.

"Your words," she said simply. "You haven't forgotten one this morning."

"Oh my God you're right," he said. A slow smile spread out on his face. "Of course now my minds gone blank and I can't think of anything that needs saying."

"I'll help you with a bath," she said lowly.

"I hate asking."

"You're my fiancé," she said with a smile. "I'm going to see you naked at some point."

"Yes, but ideally it would have been just before we were going to make love for the first time, not because I need help walking to the bathroom and getting in the tub."

"Trust me, a girl takes what she can get," she said cheekily, biting her lip. "And I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here when you're recovered enough to do the first thing on that to do list of yours."

"Mm," he said with a smile. "That sounds…" her face fell. "No I haven't forgotten a word," he said reassuring her quickly. "I was considering. That sounds enticing."

"Bath or breakfast?" Ruth asked. "What first?"

"Bath," he said quietly.

"Its my lucky day," she said smiling to put him at ease. Or as much as she could. She knew he hated this. Ruth got up and held her arm out for him. He grabbed her hand tightly, but it wasn't as tight as the night before, she thought. Then wondered if it was just wishful thinking. She led him through to the bathroom and he sat on the edge of the tub as she ran the taps. Apart from the burning eye contact between them it seemed so easy. Eventually she switched the taps off when the bath was filled with hot water, her eyes fixed on his.

"Come on," she said lightly.

"This isn't how it was meant to be," he said quietly. "Not for us."

"Would it…" she tailed off wondering if it was going to be too forward of her.

"Go on."

"Would it help if I joined you?" she asked her cheeks flaming. "I know you're nervous. I just thought…"

"I love you," he said still smiling. She kissed him briefly, feeling him relax and she knew that the suggestion had been the right thing to do. He was thinking that any opportunity of a naked Ruth was one he was going to do his utmost to see through. So he made no objection as she pulled his boxers down, taking a brief glance at him. Her face was impassive and he leaned heavily on her shoulder as he got in the bath. The water hadn't even had time to settle around him when he looked at her with intent. "Your turn."

She smiled, glad that her distracting tactic had worked so effectively. She unbuttoned his shirt, very aware that his eyes were not on her face. She threw the shirt aside and let him stare at her breasts for a few moments. He had known she wasn't wearing a bra from their gentle and slow touches the night before. She saw the second his eyes moved down from her breasts to her waist and decided to get rid of her knickers, her last remaining item of clothing. He held his breath as she slipped in the water opposite him, much more elegantly than he had. She sat low in the water and he wondered for a second if she was embarrassed. But no. After a few seconds she sat back up and he could tell this was relaxing her. She made sure that her feet were on his right side, so as not to hurt him.

"Oh!" she gasped as he gently started rubbing her feet. Her eyes closed instantly and after a minute she realised something. "I'm meant to be helping you."

"This is much more enjoyable," he murmured, squeezing her toes. "Promise me we can do this again when I'm healthy and recovered."

"Are you propositioning me?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes," he said so simply that she laughed.

"Something to look forward to," she replied. The smile faded when he groaned as he shifted slightly in the water. "Are you okay?"

"Mm," he replied with his eyes closed. He opened his eyes when he heard the water splash as Ruth got out of the tub.

"Lean forward," she whispered. He did and she got in behind him. He sighed as he felt her breasts press into his back as her hands gently ran soap over his chest, always being careful of his wounds. His breathing was heavy and she lifted her touch to make it even softer.

"Thank you," he whispered. Eventually her hands stopped and rested on his shoulders. She leant closer to him and kissed his neck lovingly. The moment was rather unromantically broken by Harry's stomach rumbling. Ruth laughed and whispered into his ear lightly. "Breakfast?"

"Yes," he said. "But do me a favour. Get out of the bath nice and slow." She laughed and let her hands stroke his back lightly and quickly before getting out of the tub, a little slower than she normally would have, loving the way his eyes took in her curves. Wrapping a towel around herself she wondered vaguely where her self consciousness had gone. She was amazed that she felt so sure of herself. In a second of silence she thought this was probably because she was so worried about Harry rather than herself.

He sighed as he grabbed hold of her hand tightly to get out of the bath. She said nothing as she helped him, knowing words were pointless. He was standing and let go of her hand and rested it on her waist. She reached up on tiptoes and kissed him as his fingertips felt her towel covered waist. Then her stomach rumbled.

"Breakfast?" he asked as they both laughed.

"Yes."

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><p><em>Sorry, things ran away from me a little bit there... Hope you enjoyed it. xxx<em>


	15. Chapter 15

_Well, I got a thoroughly depressing review for one of my non spooks fanfics so am trying to cheer myself up with a tiny little chapter here._

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><p>Ruth was happily munching on her toast, reading today's paper, her bare feet propped up on another kitchen chair. Harry was watching her intensely but she had no idea. He was just thinking that her jeans made her legs look so incredibly good when she looked up at him. "What?"<p>

"I'm just watching you," he said quietly.

"Well you should be eating," she said pushing his toast closer to him. "The doctor said you should keep your strength up. Not that you should waste time staring at me."

"Oh its not wasting time," he said sincerely. But he took a bite anyway.

"Now that neither of us have jobs, what do you want to do today?" Ruth asked taking a sip of tea.

"Get married?" Ruth had just been on the verge of swallowing her drink and she started choking.

"You proposed to me yesterday," Ruth said simply when she'd caught her breath. "Don't you think that might be a little hasty?"

"I love you. I don't want to spend a second away from you. We've had too many close brushes with death for me to want to wait." He stopped speaking and hated how she was looking at her hands and not at him. He'd pushed her. He was about to take it all back. To tell her that he didn't need to rush her if she wasn't ready when she spoke.

"I don't have a dress."

"Ruth, you could marry me in those jeans and I wouldn't care," he said with a smile. "But if you want a dress, go shopping while I make some calls to try and pull this off on such short notice."

"You've only been out of hospital a few days," she said shaking her head slightly. "You spent five days unconscious. A man you thought was your son stabbed you and nearly killed you. Are you sure about this?"

"Ruth, I've never been surer."

She shook her head in disbelief. "Are we really going to do this?" she said after a beat of silence.

"If you want to?" He said, a hint of a question in his voice.

"I said yes didn't I?" Ruth said with a smile. He got up and bracing a hand on the table walked over to him. "Harry, don't!" He ignored her as she got to her feet, an arm on his waist. Keeping one hand on the table he cradled her face with the other and kissed her firmly. "So we're getting married?" she said, her eyes twinkling at his.

"Yes," he replied, kissing her again, so intensely that it took a few seconds for her to notice that both his hands were on her back. He was standing on his own. She broke off the kiss for a second and he opened his eyes looking at her confused.

"Don't… Don't move. Harry, you're standing." He nodded and then kissed her lightly.

"Go buy a dress," he said. "I'll call in some favours I've been owed."

"I can't believe we're doing this," Ruth said under her breath as she threw her jacket on and picked up her keys. Harry laughed. He was sitting down again and she kissed him once more before leaving the house. Harry picked up the phone, feeling it was going to be a long morning.

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><p><em>Thanks to all the reviewers and big thanks to littlemissruth who left a wonderfully detailed review. Hope you liked the small scene.<em>


	16. Chapter 16

Ruth was walking quietly along the street. She stopped outside a relatively small bridal shop and for some reason she felt incredibly nervous. There was so much white in the window. So white, so fluffy and dresses that were far too big. People walked past her, early Christmas shoppers but no one went in the bridal shop. She hadn't moved for twenty minutes, staring at the glass when a kindly face woman came out.

"Are you okay?" she said to Ruth. Ruth shook her head to clear images of white silk from her mind.

"Er, yes. I was just… Never mind."

"You can come in," the shopkeeper said with a smile. "I don't bite." Ruth took a second and then thought what the hell? She needed a dress after all, especially if Harry was having successful phone calls. She slowly walked into the shop and felt like her eyes were blinded by the whiteness. Blinking several times she'd missed what the woman had said to her. Ruth looked at the woman and read the name Jo on the name tag. She allowed herself a moment of memory of the blonde spook who had been her friend before speaking.

"Sorry?"

"I said, what type of thing are you looking for?"

"I don't know," Ruth said shaking her head. "Something simple. Not over the top. And I need to be able to take it away today too."

"Quick wedding?" Ruth looked sharply at her but the smile made her more at ease. She realised that the shopkeeper was being friendly rather than snide.

"Short engagement," she said. "I'd like a dress which doesn't have enough material to stand up on its own."

"They're just the display ones," Jo said, sensing that Ruth was not going to be a showy bride. Jo lead the way to the back of the store and Ruth let out a sigh of relief as she saw dresses that were more to her taste. No frills or taffeta, more silk and satin in simple styles. Ruth nodded and was about to look through them when her engagement ring caught the light and Jo asked to have a look. Ruth held out her hand happily as Jo admired it.

"Your man's got taste," she said with a smile. Ruth didn't know how to reply so she said nothing. "I… I might have something that you'll like. Are you determined to wear white?"

"No," Ruth said with a smile. "My fiancé said I could get married in jeans and he wouldn't care."

"Okay," Jo said turning the open sign on the door over to read closed.

"What…?"

"I've got some dresses in the back which I think you'll like," Jo said explaining. "it's the end of November, very few people are shopping for wedding dresses. They all want their Christmas shopping. Don't worry." Ruth nodded as Jo went through to the back of the shop and switched the light on. At first it didn't look like much, but Ruth realised it was because all of the dresses were in garment bags. She looked at the labels and saw they all had small pictures of the dresses that were within. Jo lead her over to what Ruth quickly saw was a section of blue dresses. One quickly caught her attention. She pulled it off the rail and unzipped the bag. Jo helped her pull the dress out and still holding it, they both went into the shop, so she could try it on. It was a floor length midnight blue dress. It had straps but left her arms bare. She wasn't sure about the back. She thought it might be a bit too low cut.

"Can you help me zip it up?" Ruth asked emerging from the changing room. Jo nodded and did the dress up. It fitted her perfectly. Her doubts about the back of the dress vanished. It was perfect. It was almost as if the dress had been made for her.

"You look beautiful," Jo said.

"It's the dress isn't it," she said quietly.

"Yes," Jo replied. "It is."

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><p>Ruth was halfway home when her mobile rang. She glanced at it and saw it was Harry so she pulled over before answering it. "Hi," she said in a slow voice, pleased to hear from him.<p>

"So, I have had some success," Harry said making her smile.

"So have I," she said. "I have a dress. And a few other things."

"Like what?" Harry asked curiously.

"Shoes, jewellery, do you really want me to go on?"

"Not really, I sense we've entered female territory." Ruth laughed. "So what's your good news?"

"Booked into a registry office for six tonight. Is that okay? I wasn't sure if you wanted a church."

"Its perfect," she said quietly. "I never had any desire for a church wedding, so don't worry."

"Good. Are you on your way home?"

"Yes," she said quietly. "With my dress which you are not seeing until we're at the registry office. I do insist on that much."

"Fair enough," he said quietly. "I love you."

"Love you too. Now let me hang up so I can drive home quicker."

"I'm not stopping you," he said and she could sense the challenge.

"Okay, goodbye Harry." She waited a second more before disconnecting the call. And she smiled all the way home.

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><p><em>Very minimal Harry but I felt this chapter was necessary. Next chapter is the wedding so I hope you enjoy it! There's a link on my profile to the dress I'm picturing for Ruth. I clearly have problem, thinking so much about a fictitious wedding.<em>


	17. Chapter 17

_As theoretically Ruth bought her dress in the morning and married the same day, I'm posting the same day. This isn't quite as good as I intended but oh well._

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><p>The wedding was tiny and brief. They'd quickly told everyone at the grid but they were in the middle of a crisis so couldn't come. Somehow it made it even more special, just the two of them with a couple of random witnesses. Harry hadn't been able to take his eyes off of her as she approached him, her beautiful midnight blue dress, her short hair curling around her face. She looked perfect. Ruth felt unbelievably happy that he was standing by himself with no support from anything or anyone. Ruth was thrilled that they had actually made it this far together. It was wonderful.<p>

Ruth had a tiny bouquet of flowers but her other hand was grasping hold of Harry's tightly as they repeated their vows to each other. When they had both vowed to spend the rest of their lives together Harry let go of her hand briefly. But it was only to find two wedding rings that were in his jacket pocket. She smiled as he showed her the small engraving on both of the rings. It simply said their wedding date. 23rd November 2011. Ruth loved the feeling as he slid the cold metal onto her finger and it settled next to her engagement ring. She did the same for him, and their hands stayed entwined.

"You may now kiss the bride," the registrar said dispassionately. Neither of them cared that he seemed less than involved. Ruth smiled as much as she was able to while Harry's lips caressed hers. It was a long gentle kiss, which was only broken off by Harry's need for air. They leant over the marriage license to sign their names. Harry did his quickly and then it was Ruth's turn. She paused before adding her signature to the paper. Harry looked at her, a little concerned but then she shook her head as if to clear her thoughts and the pen hurried across the paper. Harry looked at what she'd written and his heart stopped. "Ruth Pearce." That was what she'd written on their marriage licence. He felt his heart swell with pure joy at that and he couldn't resist giving her another quick kiss.

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><p>In the taxi on the way to Harry's Ruth decided to make a quick phone call. Harry quirked an eyebrow at her but she just continued, with the phone on speaker.<p>

"Hello?"

"Hi Malcolm," Ruth said happily. Harry squeezed her hand knowing what she was doing now.

"Ruth! How are you? Its so nice to hear from you."

"I'm good," she said. "Really happy actually. Harry and I… We just got married."

"Oh that's wonderful!" he almost shouted down the phone line.

"It is wonderful," Harry agreed planting a brief kiss on Ruth's neck.

"Why wasn't I invited?" Malcolm asked.

"It was a… spur of the moment thing," Ruth said.

"Nothing about the two of you is ever spur of the moment," Malcolm said honestly. "This has been years in the making. Anyway, I'm very happy for both of you."

"So are we," Harry said hanging up before kissing his wife soundly.

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><p>Back at the house Harry had accepted Ruth's help to get upstairs and he sat on the bottom of the bed as she opened a bottle of champagne. "Not too much, mind," she said to him. "With your painkillers."<p>

"Yeah, I get the point," he said taking a large gulp. He put his glass on the bedside cabinet and murmured to her quietly. "Come here." She did and he turned her around slowly. With her back to him she felt his fingers trail down her bare skin, resting on the top of her zip. She hadn't been able to wear a bra with this dress and she gasped as the cold air hit her skin, when Harry pushed the fabric away, standing up to be able to touch more of her. She stepped out of the dress and leant back into his chest as his arms wrapped around her waist. Then she remembered his stab wounds and tried to move.

"Don't." Harry said firmly. "Don't move." She smiled as he kissed her hair before turning her around and setting his lips on hers. "Get in bed," he whispered. She did as he asked, watching as he slowly undressed in front of her. He winced as he sat down on the edge of the bed, putting pressure on his wounds.

"Lay down," Ruth said gently. He did with her help and she threw the duvet over both of them.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"What on earth for?" she asked bewildered, leaning on her elbow to look at him.

"Tonight. We can't… I'm not well enough to…"

"I know," she said. "That isn't why I married you." The silence spread out between them and she sighed, getting into a more comfortable position. She smiled as Harry pulled her body towards his, just resting against each other, her back against his chest.

"Please don't worry," he whispered across her cheek. "It doesn't hurt too much, you can lean against me." He felt the tension slowly leave her as she relaxed against him. His hand was rubbing small circles on her waist as she drifted off.

"I love you," Harry whispered, making her smile. "My wife."

"You've been dying to say that, haven't you?" she replied.

"Mm, I have," he replied. She turned her head and kissed his neck before letting go into sleep. Harry wasn't that far behind her.

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><p><em>Hope the wedding wasn't too rushed. I didn't want a big thing for them, thought it better to have something small. Also I couldn't resist the Malcolm call. The next chapter will probably be M rated but I'm still working on it. Thanks for the reviews so far everyone! xxx<em>


	18. Chapter 18

_Mildly M rated chapter here. If you want more M rated steamy stuff my fic Dreams Come True should satisfy if you haven't read that..._

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><p>Over the past few weeks Harry had been healing very well. Now, his breathing was very rarely laboured and he was walking perfectly fine. He had been able to get out of the house for short walks and Ruth knew that he was inordinately thrilled with the short distances he was managing. That night she could see he was worried.<p>

"What is it?" Ruth asked quietly, turning over to face him, knowing he wouldn't get any sleep until he'd voiced what was on his mind. He moved his hand so it rested on her fabric covered waist. She wore Harry's shirt, she always did to sleep in now and he loved the way she looked in it.

"Its been three weeks," he murmured.

"Ah," she said knowing where this was going. Since their wedding, they had touched and kissed but not much more.

"Ruth…"

"I don't want to hurt you," she whispered.

"I'm not going to break," he said stroking her hair. "I want to make love to my wife." She said nothing so he added one of his fears. "Unless you don't want to."

"I do," she said simply and honestly. She smiled and he felt his heart skip a beat. "After all, we've waited three weeks for our wedding night."

"No we haven't," he said, kissing her lips softly. "We've waited eight years for this." Their arms tightened around each other while their lips were busy and she ended up with Harry hovering over her, his bare chest pressing against her covered one, the duvet providing a wonderful cocoon of warmth around them. Her hands reached behind his neck, pulling him closer for a deep kiss. He let her do this for a few minutes but then moved slightly lower, kissing her neck.

She let out a low voiced "Mm," and he laughed, continuing flicking his tongue against her flesh. He wondered with intense curiosity what other noises he could compel her to make. His mouth slowly passed down over her collarbone, reaching the buttons of his shirt. As he started slowly peeling the material apart Ruth realised she was simply lying there, enjoying what he was doing to her senses. She was about to run her hands down his back when she felt him entwine her fingers with his holding them above her head for a second, kissing her lips softly. "No. Let me."

She was about to object when he continued. "I want to touch you and make love to you. Just let me." She smiled as he resumed pulling his shirt off of her. He kissed both of her breasts lightly as she sighed. Slowly he moved lower down her body laving her body in love. He traced the line of her knickers with his index finger, watching her shake with anticipation. God she looked irresistible, he thought. Her eyes closed, her naked body waiting for him.

She looked back at him worried and he realised he'd been silently and unashamedly staring at her figure for more than a minute without so much as moving an inch. She had worry all over her face and he realised she was nervous about what he was seeing. He quickly moved back so he could kiss her lips, deeply and with feeling.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered hoarsely between kisses. "So very beautiful. Please never doubt that." She responded eagerly, deepening their kiss as his fingertips pulled her knickers down and started stroking her slowly.

"Oh!" she gasped. He smiled as he began to speed up, her moaning spurring him on. He could feel she was just on the edge when she tried to twist away from him.

"Stop," she said breathlessly. "Please stop." He instantly did. "I want… Not… like this. Not for the first time. Please."

"Tell me what you want," he murmured, desperately needing to hear her say it.

"I want you inside me," she whispered, blushing at the same time. He hurriedly pushed his boxers off and slowly entered her. He was so slow and gentle with her that she moaned in frustration. "Harry, I can't take this," she breathed. "Stop teasing me. Please." He chuckled as he filled her completely, her legs wrapping around him. She let out a contended and satisfied sigh and he vowed to hear that from her more often.

"Oh, God," she muttered. "This is…" she couldn't think of a way to finish that sentence.

"Perfect?" he suggested.

"Yes," she whispered as he moved inside her. "Oh yes!…Perfect." After that words were unnecessary. He tried to draw it out, make it last as long as he could but they had both been waiting so long for this that it was impossible. He kissed her hair as they both climaxed together.

They spent the rest of the night tangled together, and as Harry had suggested earlier, it was perfect.

* * *

><p>Ruth woke up with her face buried in a pillow, messy hair all around her and aching wonderfully in several forgotten places. She groaned as she turned over, feeling almost hung over but wonderfully happy at the same time. "Hello sleeping beauty," Harry's voice said to her left.<p>

"Mm," she said rubbing her eyes. "Oh that smells good," she said looking at Harry's breakfast. She sat up and pinched a rasher of bacon before he could say anything. She caught sight of the clock and saw that it was already half past eleven in the morning. "Wow, I've been asleep for a while."

"I'm deciding to take it as a compliment," he said, an arm around her shoulders.

"Frankly I'm amazed that you managed to keep going three times."

"Oh, Ruth I'm disappointed in your assumptions," he said putting the plate on the floor. He rolled over on top of her and kissed her deeply.

"I meant, because of hospital and everything you've been through over the past month or so," she said. "I didn't mean…" she was interrupted by him kissing her. He eventually stopped and she stretched out, feeling wonderfully relaxed. "I'm happy."

"I'm glad, Mrs Pearce." She chuckled lightly as he kissed her cheek briefly. He picked up his breakfast and handed it to her. She ravenously ate a lukewarm fried egg. She felt starving. When the edge had been taken off her hunger she turned to Harry.

"We have a house," she said quietly. "I just think… Between us, we have three houses- mine, yours, and the little cottage I've bought on the coast. And since you came out of hospital we never sleep apart. Not that I want to," she said hurrying on. "I just think we should make a decision. Pick somewhere where we want to live. Somewhere we can make our life together."

"Yes," he said simply. "I don't care where we live. I care that I live with you. So you choose."

"I did… dream about living near the beach. I did picture it with you. I couldn't really imagine it alone."

"So we'll move there then," Harry said quietly.

"Do you think we could do it before Christmas?" Ruth replied with a smile.

"Yes," he said. "I'd do anything for you."

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><p><em>Hope this is a good installment for everyone. There is definitely three more chapters but this fic might be coming to an end soon-ish. I'm not sure how long I can draw it out  how long people want it to be drawn out._


	19. Chapter 19

They had finally moved into their new house. It was a few days before Christmas and they were all settled. Harry woke up first and watched Ruth sleeping quietly for long, long minutes until she started to stir.

"Good morning," he whispered kissing her softly.

"Mm," she said as reality came back to her. "Were you watching me sleep?" she asked sitting up.

"You're beautiful always," he said. "I can't help watching you." Ruth smiled, loving the way he spoke of her. "I did want to talk to you about something though."

"That sounds serious," she said. "Its too early for serious."

"Well, I don't think its bad," he said. He allowed her to wake up properly before continuing. "I wanted to discuss if you wanted children."

He was amazed by her reaction. She went pale as a sheet and closed her eyes.

"No," she said firmly, much to his surprise. He had anticipated this going a different way which is why he'd brought it up in the first place.

"But…"

"No," she said shaking her head.

"Ruth…"

"No!"

"Does the thought really fill you with that much horror?" he asked, indescribably hurt by her reaction. She shook her head once with her eyes closed and he couldn't read her. "Would being pregnant with our child really be the worst thing in the world?"

"Harry…"

"No," he said getting out of bed quickly. She had nothing to say as he quickly dressed not looking at her. "I'll be back later," he said.

"Harry, please don't leave."

"If I stay I'm going to say things you don't want to hear," he said angrily before closing the bedroom door behind him. Ruth collapsed in bed, feeling exhausted and emotionally spent. She had been totally unprepared for Harry to bring up the possibility of children and it floored her. She knew when he got back after cooling off she'd have some explaining to do.

* * *

><p>It was a few hours later when he came back and Ruth was sitting at the kitchen table, fingertip tracing the wood grain. She had been thinking over what she would say to him but she hadn't exactly gotten very far. He opened the kitchen door and sat next to her. "I shouldn't have stormed off," he said quietly. "It was childish and unnecessary. I need you to talk to me though."<p>

"I know," she said, her eyes flicking to his briefly. "Look, it isn't that I don't want a baby," she said more calmly. "I… Okay. I should have told you this before but it never came up. I can't… I can never have children." She was looking at her hands and not at him.

"What happened?" he asked quietly, wanting her to open up to him but at the same time not wanting to push her too quickly.

She took several deep breaths before continuing. "A few years ago, when… I was with George, I got pregnant. I didn't care. I didn't tell him because I didn't want a baby, not with him anyway. I didn't look after myself or change anything about the way I lived. And I woke up one morning and there was a lot of blood." She shook her head still not facing him. "There was so much blood and it was so thick it was almost black. I thought I wasn't just losing the baby, I thought I was dying." She took a few deep breaths trying not to cry.

"I was rushed to hospital and went under emergency surgery. That small scar that you're so kind to never mention and always ignore whenever we make love? That's where I was cut open when they saved my life. But it came at a price. I lost my child. My daughter. And there was too much bleeding in my fallopian tubes. They are too damaged for me ever to conceive again. Which is probably what I deserved. For not taking care of myself when I was pregnant in the first place. I… I can't have children Harry. So its not that I don't want a baby, I'd love to have one with you. But I can't. You mentioning it out of the blue just made me freeze."

She looked up at him and was surprised to find her eyes swimming with tears. He wrapped his arms around her as her crying finally came out. "I'm sorry," she said in between sobs. "I've never actually said it before. I'm sorry."

"Its okay," he said rubbing her back carefully, now feeling horrified that he'd walked out on her earlier that morning. "Its alright." He kept soothing her until her tears subsided.

"I should have told you," she said rubbing the tear tracks from her face. "I was being a coward. I wanted to stay where everything was happy and good."

"We don't have much of a marriage if we can't talk about real things," he said truthfully.

"I know." She sighed. "I probably should have told you before we married. Does it… does it change how you see me?"

"No," he said with a smile. "It would be… incredible if you were pregnant. But it doesn't matter to me that you never will be. Its something you can't change," he said quietly. "I love you."

"I know. Thank you." She leant closer to him and kissed his lips softly. "Thank you."

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><p><em>Please don't hate me! Please leave a review even though I've been horribly mean to them!<em>


	20. Chapter 20

**New Years Eve**,

They were both sitting on the floor in front of a roaring fire and it was wonderfully cosy. Today everything was settled. Both London flats were sold for more than either had expected, giving them some financial breathing room, now that neither of them had jobs. There were funds reserved for retired agents but neither of them wanted to use that, they'd prefer to do it on their own. And now they could and loved the freedom it gave them. They had also not mentioned Ruth's inability to have children again. They had both calmed down, and in silence had agreed to just live in the moment and not worry about the future.

They were in the living room of their new house and Ruth was leaning back on Harry's chest, a blanket thrown over the pair of them. They were drinking mulled wine to celebrate he fact that Harry had now come off of all his painkillers. Apart from the scars and occasional breathlessness there was no lasting damage from Sasha's attack. Watching the flames they were both reliving a trip down memory lane.

"I remember the first time I saw you."

"You were bored out of your mind," Ruth said as his arm tightened around her waist, his laughter light in her ear. "You were looking at the floor living in the vain hope that it would open up and swallow you. As well as looking at several of the interview panel and wondering if you could get away with murder."

"They were all useless and I hate interviews," he said. "Ninety five percent of all the people I've ever met in interviews are either unintelligent, incapable or boring. Several candidates were impressive enough to be all three."

"I do hope I'm in the other five percent," Ruth said, her left hand entwining with his.

"You know you are," he said kissing her neck before continuing. "You were about the twentieth person we'd seen for the analyst job. Apart from you they were all terrible. I was on the verge of total despair to ever find anyone who I could put up with long enough to have in Section D.

"And then I came in," she said with a smile.

"Mm, and you came in."

"What did you first think of me?" she asked curious as to the honest answer and whether he'd tell the truth.

"Honestly? I thought there was no way on earth you'd get the job." Ruth hit his arm playfully. "Let me finish. I was convinced that no one as beautiful as you could be as intelligent as the person I needed in Thames House."

"Really?"

"Yes. Although looking back I think they might have weighed the interview candidates in your favour. Not that you weren't perfect for the job, because you were. But I knew very quickly that you were a GCHQ plant."

"You knew?" she asked turning to face him.

"Of course I knew," he said stroking her arms. "You'd only been working for me for about a week when I figured out that you must have been reporting back to GCHQ. Or at least you would have been when we were doing an operation of interest to them."

"Why didn't you sack me?" Ruth asked.

"Because by that point I was already incredibly attracted to you. And I had started to care for you too much," he said pulling her closer to his chest, kissing her neck again. "I don't think I'd fallen in love with you at that point, but I wasn't far off."

"Even then?"

"Yes. Even then."

"You should have said something," Ruth said shaking her head. "We wouldn't have wasted all that time."

"I couldn't," he said quietly. "I was your boss, I couldn't say anything. I had no idea that you felt anything for me at all. I didn't want to put you in an awkward position, and I liked having you around too much to risk changing that. Also sexual harassment charges aren't a fabulous addition to my CV." Ruth smiled at the attempt at humour.

"Then what made you ask me out to dinner in the first place?" Ruth asked.

"Juliet," he said much to her surprise. "When she ended up in hospital paralysed, she asked me if I loved you. I didn't answer her, obviously. But she told me that you were in love with me. I am not the most perceptive of men, so I believed that she could see what I wanted. Her conviction made me brave enough to ask you out. So I did."

"I was jealous of her," Ruth said quietly. "The entire time she was there on the grid I was jealous of her. I knew there was more between the two of you than you were telling me. And I had no business in asking either."

"Ruth, I never felt anything for her," he said honestly. "I was in an unhappy marriage with a wife who refused to talk to me. It was just for sex. That's all. My first wife probably didn't deserve the husband she had in me."

"You don't have to explain or justify yourself," she said, squeezing his hand. "However if you ever cheat on your second wife, this would be an entirely different conversation."

"I wouldn't," he said so surely that she looked at him in slight surprise. "Even if you left me tomorrow, there'd never be anyone else for me. I… Ever since I met you all those years ago, I've never been with anyone else."

"I now feel like I cheated on you," she said quietly. "In Cyprus. I… I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," he said. "I wanted you to have a life after… everything. I can't blame you for trying" Ruth nodded feeling him kiss her hair as she finished off her wine. "Not that I'm not incredibly jealous of him. Because I am. He got three whole years with you."

"Only two," Ruth corrected lightly. "He knew that there was someone else but he never asked about it. He accepted that I would never be completely his."

"You don't have to say that Ruth," he said shaking his head. "I'd rather have a piece of you than nothing at all."

"Why do you think I never married him, Harry?" Ruth turned around so she could wrap her arms around him and look directly in her eyes as she spoke. "Even thinking I would never see you again, I wouldn't marry him. Because I was in love with you."

"Really?" he asked seeming so insecure. She kissed him passionately before speaking.

"I would probably have said yes to your first proposal. If you hadn't been a complete idiot in thinking that proposing over a fresh grave was a good idea."

"Yeah, that really wasn't my best moment was it?" he said with a small smile.

"No it wasn't," she said resting her body against his as they turned their attention back to the crackling fire. "But we've got a lifetime of moments together to come."

"We do, don't we," he said kissing her hair. "Happy 2012." Ruth looked and the clock and saw it was five past twelve. They had slipped into the new year without her even noticing.

"Happy New Year Harry."

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><p><em>Thats the end! Hope you all enjoyed, xxx<em>


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